when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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