Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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