rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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