he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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