i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
