I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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