he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
