I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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