Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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