I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
