Barsexuality is the new black.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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