a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
