Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
