Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
