Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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