he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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