guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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