I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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