About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
