apparently the secret to your success is patron
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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