News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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