we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
