Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
