A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
