A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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