I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
