Dual....:-)
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I supernannyed him into submission
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
