The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
