he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
