I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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