Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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