I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
