yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
