If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
