yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
