I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
