I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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