I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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