Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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