Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
