I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
