My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
