Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
