trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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