Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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