his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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