The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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