so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
