Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
