My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
